Thursday, July 29, 2010
well, it's very ironic that the day after i write a loving blog about my mother, she is angry at me. for existing. sorry that you settled for someone and had a baby too young, sorry that you didn't go to college, sorry you hate your job, sorry you never get to do anything nice, sorry we never have any money, it's not my fault. hating your life won't change a damn thing. you've wasted too much time on hate and regret. i'm leaving in a year. i love you but you make me feel like the biggest regret of your life.
mom.
on vacation, my mother was crying because she couldn't make my moody sister enjoy our trip. her happiness directly depends on the happiness of those around her. when we laugh, she laughs. when we cry, she cries. she lives for others. her love for others is the only thing she has in the world. she is an entertainer, a nurturer, a protector, an actress. she gives her entire heart and soul away, and reacts with the same doe-eyed shock and pain when her heart is stomped on. she is taken advantage of. she is not thanked or given enough affection. she goes to bed jaded, only to wake up and reapply her happy face for us. she is so incredible and i am overwhelmed with the love she has for me.
i have never realized how similar we are until this very moment. she's where i get my heart from. but i also inherited my harsh realism from her warning words of the cruel world. we are both actresses, we can become anything our loved ones need us to be, and as a result we are lost. we are slaves to the love of others. i'll be anything to win some affection or acceptance, just like my mother.
my first memory of my mother: (please note, i have never told ANYONE this) i was around 3 years old so she was only about 24. she was crying and telling me she was so sorry, that she's such a terrible mother, that she's too young and dumb for this. at the tender age of three or four, i comforted my own mother. i said shhh, you're a good mommy, don't worry. she had wanted me more than anything in the world, but now that i was here, she realized her mistake. she just wanted someone to love her. sometimes i think my mom would've had a much better life if i was never born.
i have never realized how similar we are until this very moment. she's where i get my heart from. but i also inherited my harsh realism from her warning words of the cruel world. we are both actresses, we can become anything our loved ones need us to be, and as a result we are lost. we are slaves to the love of others. i'll be anything to win some affection or acceptance, just like my mother.
my first memory of my mother: (please note, i have never told ANYONE this) i was around 3 years old so she was only about 24. she was crying and telling me she was so sorry, that she's such a terrible mother, that she's too young and dumb for this. at the tender age of three or four, i comforted my own mother. i said shhh, you're a good mommy, don't worry. she had wanted me more than anything in the world, but now that i was here, she realized her mistake. she just wanted someone to love her. sometimes i think my mom would've had a much better life if i was never born.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Friday, July 2, 2010
Day 02
The meaning behind your Tumblr/Blog name
"Take it Easy (Love Nothing)" is a song by my favorite band of all time, Bright Eyes. but it's not really my favorite song or even close to it. when i made this blog, i was pretty heartbroken, jaded, and angsty after being abandoned by a guy i really liked. it's much more complicated than that but i'd rather not share with the world wide web. at the time i was convinced that it was better to not invest your time and emotions into something or someone that could hurt you, hence, i would "Take it Easy".
"Now I do as I please and lie through my teeth
Someone might get hurt, but it won't be me
I should probably feel cheap but I just feel free...
and a little bit empty
No, it isn't so hard to get close to me
There will be no arguments
We will always agree
And I'll try and be kind when I ask you to leave
We'll both take it easy
But if you stay too long inside my memory,
I will trap you in a song tied to a melody
and I will keep you there so you can't bother me"
"Take it Easy (Love Nothing)" is a song by my favorite band of all time, Bright Eyes. but it's not really my favorite song or even close to it. when i made this blog, i was pretty heartbroken, jaded, and angsty after being abandoned by a guy i really liked. it's much more complicated than that but i'd rather not share with the world wide web. at the time i was convinced that it was better to not invest your time and emotions into something or someone that could hurt you, hence, i would "Take it Easy".
"Now I do as I please and lie through my teeth
Someone might get hurt, but it won't be me
I should probably feel cheap but I just feel free...
and a little bit empty
No, it isn't so hard to get close to me
There will be no arguments
We will always agree
And I'll try and be kind when I ask you to leave
We'll both take it easy
But if you stay too long inside my memory,
I will trap you in a song tied to a melody
and I will keep you there so you can't bother me"
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Day 01
A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
1. i like to think i'm cool and original until i talk to someone who is actually cool and original.
2. i stay up really late and sleep in really late.
3. i love popping my neck and back. it's kind of addicting.
4. i read my horoscope every day.
5. i'm mildly allergic to most fruits and most kinds of bug bites.
6. i'm a natural leader, i'm usually the one handing out orders.
7. i am definitely not afraid to tell it like it is.
8. the only belief i have that is true and constant is that everything will work itself out in the end.
9. i hate middle schoolers with every fiber of my being.
10. i'm like a magnet, people tend to gravitate towards me. that sounds conceited but it's true.
11. i fluctuate between thinking i'm hot shit and feeling absolutely terrible about myself. it's an internal war but i never show it, i try to just appear neutral about myself.
12. i've been (technically) single for a loooong time and i love my freedom and independence... but sometimes i miss cuddles and sweet texts and things of that sort. i'm kind of looking for a... casual relationship? that doesn't make sense... idk, i'm semi-afraid of commitment.
13. i love listening to stories and telling stories.
14. i love being girly half the time but other half i'm a tomboy. i like to shop and get dressed up but i also like video games and doing crazy stuff like running around the woods. :P i think it's a pretty good blend.
15. i love singing but i'm terrible at it. :)
1. i like to think i'm cool and original until i talk to someone who is actually cool and original.
2. i stay up really late and sleep in really late.
3. i love popping my neck and back. it's kind of addicting.
4. i read my horoscope every day.
5. i'm mildly allergic to most fruits and most kinds of bug bites.
6. i'm a natural leader, i'm usually the one handing out orders.
7. i am definitely not afraid to tell it like it is.
8. the only belief i have that is true and constant is that everything will work itself out in the end.
9. i hate middle schoolers with every fiber of my being.
10. i'm like a magnet, people tend to gravitate towards me. that sounds conceited but it's true.
11. i fluctuate between thinking i'm hot shit and feeling absolutely terrible about myself. it's an internal war but i never show it, i try to just appear neutral about myself.
12. i've been (technically) single for a loooong time and i love my freedom and independence... but sometimes i miss cuddles and sweet texts and things of that sort. i'm kind of looking for a... casual relationship? that doesn't make sense... idk, i'm semi-afraid of commitment.
13. i love listening to stories and telling stories.
14. i love being girly half the time but other half i'm a tomboy. i like to shop and get dressed up but i also like video games and doing crazy stuff like running around the woods. :P i think it's a pretty good blend.
15. i love singing but i'm terrible at it. :)
this is what i will be doing for the next month...
and i dare you to do it too.
Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 02- The meaning behind your Tumblr/Blog name
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12- How you found out about Tumblr and why you made one
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16- Another picture of yourself
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
Day 24- A letter to your parents
Day 25- What I would find in your bag
Day 26- What you think about your friends
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned
Day 30- Who are you
Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 02- The meaning behind your Tumblr/Blog name
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12- How you found out about Tumblr and why you made one
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16- Another picture of yourself
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
Day 24- A letter to your parents
Day 25- What I would find in your bag
Day 26- What you think about your friends
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned
Day 30- Who are you
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