well you say that i treat you like a book on shelf
i don't take you out that often cause i know that i've completed you
and that's why you are here.
that's the reason you stay here... how awful that must feel.
you said you'd be my dream, i could have you every night
and if by morning i'd forgotten you, well no big deal, that'd be alright
cause you're the reoccurring kind, you are the reoccurring kind.
you never really leave my mind.
are you the love of my lifetime cause there's been times i've had my doubts
we were just kids when i first kissed you in the attic of my parents house,
and i wish we were there now.
it took so long to figure out what this book has been about.
now i write when i'm away letters that you'll never read
you said go explore those other women, the geography of their bodies
but there's just one map you'll need.
you're a boomerang, you'll see
you will return to me.
you will you will you will you will you will you will you will you will you will you will you will you will you will you will you will you will you will you will you will you will you will.

damn... it just hit me that i quit theatre.

it used to be such a big part of my life.

i guess that part is over now...

actually it was over like two years ago but i was in denial.

i will always be a performer at heart.

and i'll miss the long rehearsals and late nights at ihop with my babies. <3

hot.

i am fully convinced that i am nocturnal.

my brain is so AWAKE at odd hours of the night. i didn't sleep until 6AM, the early light was so comforting. i felt simple again.
i dreamed that i was going to prom. my mother was crying. i couldn't remember my date's name and he was running late. i was convinced i was going to be stood up. i was eating cake out of a pan. then he showed up in a sketchy van with a few other questionable teens and i happily got in. i left my dress and phone in the van. at some point during the dream i used a pay phone.

this is what it means:
an end to something and the beginning of something else
illness or affliction
craving shelter, comfort, guidance and protection
fear of change and your ambivalence about seizing an opportunity
unready, unworthy, or unsupported in your current circumstances
overwhelmed or conflicted with decisions about your future
time is running out and that you do not have time to accomplish all the things you want
missed and lost opportunities
the load that you are carrying and what you can handle
confront issues which you have tried to avoid



did you know i think of you when i write these blogs? i wonder how you feel when you read them.

i miss school.

i'm good at it. i have the perfect balance of procrastination, natural intelligence, and social skills.
all i do now is sleep all day and work at night. i need something productive to fill my time with.

on another note... i'm SOOOOOO close to getting all my shit together.
i can feel it.
i want to be the kind of senior that i looked up to for the past 3 years.
am i cool? mature? original? pretty? funny? i can't tell anymore.

and i'll hang like a star, fucking glow in the dark, for their starving eyes to see...

where's my puzzle piece?
:/

i wish i could cry right now.

most of the time i feel like i can't convey to someone how much i really love them.
i don't know if that means i love more deeply than others or if i'm just bad at expressing it.

crushed

ouch.

i'm back!

my self confidence is back! i'm feeling happy. i am overwhelmed with love for so many people and for myself. i feel comfortable in my own body. i don't need you to make me happy. i'm sarah fucking palmer and I'M BACK!

quite a few changes are coming. i can feel it.

Tautou

i'm sinking like a stone in the sea... i'm burning like a bridge for your body.

One project at a time...

:D

i'm smiling.

i am so blessed.

thoughts on the evening

1. i hate my baby face
2. mckinney is absolutely pathetic but i'm going to miss just chilling at parks and things like that
3. can't believe i told that story again, i can't escape it. maybe i don't want to escape it, but it stings a little every time it's retold.
4. can't believe i admitted that i would... never mind.
5. can't believe ^3 that i was the most experienced in that group, i feel kinda like a slut. but mostly successful. is that terrible?
6. the weather was SO nice today
7. my intuition is almost never wrong... and it's telling me something very strange right now. ...am i crazy? i don't think i could explain my feelings of intuition to anyone. but i will smile if i turn out to be right about this.
8. yesterday was spent talking about the future, and today was spent talking about the past. it's hard for me to live in the present.
9. i talk a lot but i rarely SAY anything.
10. i wonder how it feels to not be young.

i'm simultaneously too old and too young to be a senior.
BRING IT ON.

you don't even deserve me... :)

guess what? I'm getting my old self back.

good things are coming. I can feel it.

damn... how long is it going to take?

^^ applies to way too many aspects of my life.

most of our lives we're just waiting...
is anyone ever completely 100% runningthroughthewoods no regrets HAPPY?
i doubt it.
i've always thought that the ONE person would make me that happy. i'm like joseph gordon levitt in 500 days of summer. although i don't wear it on my sleeve anymore; i had it ripped out of me. but which would i rather be, naive and hopeful or realistic and hurt?
ahh whatever.
the bottom line: i'm damaged goods. a little cynical. but i'm just that much more savvy for the next time around, i guess.

why do i always end up writing about love when i don't plan to?

To Do this summer:

focus all of my energy toward building relationships
become almost entirely nocturnal
work as little as possible
get a lookbook and have photoshoots
unhealthy amounts of that 70's show
freckle
get revenge
move on
find someone who makes me want to move on
nap longer than i slept at night
new snack inventions
buy new clothes. i'm tired of mine.
tons of new inside jokes
get my car and kidnap my friends:)
spend time in dallas
go to shows
make and receive mix cds
feel completely satisfied with myself

endings

Brittani's goodbye letter to me:
"You have such a kind, gentle spirit and I love how you have the ability to actually listen to people. You are so genuine with your words and actions. Never ever change who you are or let someone tell you that you are not good enough. You have the power to impact someone else's life every day. It is up to you how you live your life, and choose to live it to it's fullest! Appreciate every single day and dont take the little things for granted. You are such a wonderful person and I have loved getting to spend time with you in theatre! You are so special, don't let anyone tell you different!"

awwwwh. :( :) <3